Peri-menopause is no bueno.

Also let's blame my "meno-brain" for the delay in this post....

OK, my last post here was 10 months ago and I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long. I’d like to blame my meno-brain but I’m pretty sure it’s not responsible for my procrastination.

However, we CAN blame meno-brain when I suddenly lose my train of thought mid-typing this (this will happen at least 6 times while writing this post)! And meno-brain is the reason why I can’t remember why I’m standing in the kitchen even though it took me only 7 seconds to walk from my bedroom to my kitchen (I live in a small flat).

When did this happen??

I’m not really sure when meno-brain started to happen (and keen to hear from you if you recall when it started for you?) but it snuck up on me. I used to pride myself at work for being the “sharp” one who remembered everything I had to do without writing anything down.

Today I’m no longer that “sharp” boss lady. Instead I’m the one that forgets her words mid-sentence and can’t remember people’s names (“you know who I’m talking about… you know, that guy?? The one who sits on the other side of the floor with the dark hair???”).

My new friend Miss Peri Menopause (she likes respect, so it’s “Miss” Peri please) snuck up on me about the same time that my waist slowly snuck away…. It’s like one replaced the other!!!

Where is my waist?

To be fair, my waist disappeared when I went through a period of loving life too much. Too much eating. Too much drinking. Not enough movement. Not enough looking after myself. Add to that Miss Peri and the havoc she brings to my hormones and we have a winning combination of fat gain and losing my waist.

Now, I don’t have an obsession with being a certain size (as a former personal stylist I’ve styled women of all shapes and sizes over the years and loved them all - I’m basically like Julio Iglesias!).

But losing my waist mattered because it also meant losing all my confidence.

I started to wear looser, baggier clothing. I stopped wearing pants and jeans because they dug into my belly. I felt frumpy, tired and my brain was in a fog. When surrounded by others in the office who reminded me of my “old” self I basically felt irrelevant.

It was about more than my waist or meno-brain

As my confidence disappeared, so did I.

I retreated. I started to disappear into myself. I avoided shopping for clothes and started to beat myself up for a “bad” day of eating or indulging in too much in chocolate.

It was around this time that I went to Europe. I was already the heaviest I’d ever been when I left, but I spent 3 weeks drinking and eating my way around Italy, Greece and London (and all the airplanes). I have ZERO regrets btw - it was a once in a lifetime trip and I enjoyed it all.

And when I finally arrived home I knew something had to change. I felt so bloated and quite frankly, FAT.

So I decided it was time to do something about my fitness. Because it’s one thing to feel fatter than normal and invisible - but it’s quite another to sit there and keep shoving chips and wine in while continuing to complain about it.

And the journey began….

If you’ve been following me on my Instagram, you’ll know that it was at this time that I started my fitness journey. I knew I had a lot of work to do to unwind all the excess of the past few years.

So I threw myself back into the fitness program that I’d been paying for (but not following) for some time. I picked up the weights and started moving. Sloooooowly, puffy me started. And while nutrition is a massive part of my success today, the movement - those 30 minutes a day I give to myself - is what gave me a lot of my mental happiness back.

I don’t love exercise. But I learnt to enjoy certain moves and to love the sense of achievement and feeling strong. It’s now a non-negotiable for me to be happy and grounded.

Left: Starting out puffy, slow in June 2023. Right: Less puffy and stronger in March 2024.

**Miss Peri can be a b*tch….**

But peri-menopause can still be a b*tch.

My fitness journey wasn’t a fast one. I was arrogant enough to think that I could shed the extra fat as easily as when I was 32 and still Botox-free. (INCORRECT WENDY, THIS IS INCORRECT!)

Peri and Menopause can wreck all sorts on your hormones and body, so I had to work a lot harder than I did 5 years ago to drop the fat. I turned up every day to move for 25-30 mins. I was more mindful of what I ate. And it really was hard to keep going when I felt like nothing was working after a couple of months of effort.

All this to say that it DID work though. It just took more time and patience. And now - I found my waist again. And my confidence. It took me about 6 months to see real change but with each month that passed I felt “myself” slowly peeking its head out again.

I can’t explain how important that was. I started to be interested in shopping again. I am socialising and eating out without guilt. I’m physically stronger and today my journey continues because I still have a whole second act ahead of me and want to age well. I don’t want a lack of physical strength and mobility to hold me back. I want to keep lifting my groceries, walk up the stairs and get myself off the toilet when I’m 90 without help.

What helped me the most

It was probably at around the point when I started my fitness journey that I decided to reignite this blog / newsletter and step up my social media again. To give a voice to the mid-life woman who was feeling a bit invisible.

But here’s the best part...

I’ve had an Instagram following from when I was a stylist. But I took a step back when I lost my confidence. Then I started my fat-loss journey and posted videos of me doing my little workouts. I sped up the videos to 10 x fast so you couldn’t really see how slow and unsure I was (so clever!!!).

I didn’t know if anyone was watching but I kept posting. And slowly, you started to comment. And then I did a post about how I was FINALLY feeling good again and how this is my time. Our time. The “second act” of our lives as we enter midlife.

And you came out in droves to express your support.

I learnt that there is genuinely something amazing about the Miss Peri and Miss Meno Pause sisterhood. I wasn’t alone. Which means YOU are not alone.

People were (generally) kind, beautiful and supportive. And that was the biggest thing that helped me. YOU. The fact you’re still reading this amazes me!

[If you want to know specifically what I did to get here from a weight-loss and fitness perspective, read my full story here.]

Other things that helped

Other than the sisterhood, there were more pragmatic things that helped.

Elasticised pants

Thank you fashion gods in heaven for finally giving us NICE clothes with elasticised waists that don’t look like PJs!! When I was in Europe and during my whole fitness journey, elasticised waists have been my friend - here are two of my favourites.

I have these Alexandra pants in black and white - that’s how much I loved them. The stitching on one pair gave way a little too early but that was easily fixed. They’re a great “jogger” style that has a flattering shape and tapered ankle so you can wear an oversized top and not look dumpy.

Also from Alexandra, I got these white pants for work. The seam down the front and fabric choice makes it a little dressier and appropriate for the office with a tailored blouse.

Botox & 0.5ml of filler

Don’t give me too much grief if you’re not a fan of injectables - but I am a recent convert.

I started both in 2023 and it has done wonders. It wasn’t so much my crows feet or general wrinkles or to give me super pouty lips. It was the little droop of the corners of my mouth.

As we age, we lose muscle everywhere - including in our face. So if you’ve ever felt like the corners of your mouth is “sagging”, you’re not imagining it. Botox actually helps “lift” the corners of your mouth and avoid the dreaded “resting b&tch face” syndrome, which I was starting to develop - even when all I was thinking about was what to have for dinner!

The filler was just a small amount to subtly plump out my lips. Ignoring the fact that I have no make up on in my “before” photo, you can see the results are subtle but they gave me a world of confidence!

Before (left) & After (right). I had a small amount of Botox to lift the corners of my mouth, and 0.5ml of very soft lip filler to round my lips out.

Next post?

So there you have it. A few confessionals today, of confidence and Botox. There were other things that helped me during this “blah” period of mine, but I’ll have to save them for my next post or else this will take me another 10 months to send out!!!!

Which brings me back to my blog timelines and my accountability on this front.

When I resurrected this blog in May last year, it had been 5 years between posts!! Now it’s 10 months…. so I’m improving!!!!! :)

I could shoot for 3 months from here for my next one (jokes - I’m shooting for one a month for now). But please hold me accountable and ask me when it’s coming as sometimes I need a shove.

So that’s it for now. But in the same way that I learnt I wasn’t alone in my midlife journey, you are not alone either! Drop me a comment or question below, let me know how midlife is treating you and let’s age gracefully(ish) together.

To our second act,

Wendy

Peri-menopause is no bueno